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InvitadoMy name is Ahmed, I’m 27, and I deliver construction materials in Jeddah. My back is permanently fucked from hauling cement bags and rebar, and my hands are calloused to the point where I can barely feel my sister’s face when I touch it. I live with my parents, my younger sister Mariam, and my older brother Faisal in a cramped apartment in the Al-Rawdah district. The money I make barely covers the rent and my father’s medication for his diabetes. Every day is the same: wake up before dawn, load the truck, drive to sites where foremen scream at me in languages I barely understand, unload, and then come home to the suffocating silence of our small home.
The voices started as a joke, I think. Or what passed for a joke in my shattered mind. I was driving my truck, stuck in traffic on the King Abdullah Road, when I heard a clear voice whisper, “Look at this pathetic fuck, sweating in his shit-stained truck.” I turned, expecting someone to be in the passenger seat, but there was no one. Then another voice joined in, “Probably dreams of his sister’s tight little pussy every night, the disgusting pervert.” I slammed my hand on the dashboard, convinced someone had hidden a speaker in my truck, but there was nothing. They laughed, a sound that seemed to come from all around me, inside and outside the vehicle.
They’re with me always now. Three distinct voices that I’ve named in my head: the Sneering One, the Horny One, and the Angry One. They comment on everything I do. When I’m eating dinner with my family: “Look at him shoveling food into his fat face like the pig he is.” When I’m praying: “God doesn’t listen to worthless scum like you, Ahmed. You’re going to hell for all the filthy thoughts you have about your own sister.” When I’m trying to sleep: “Why don’t you just end it now? Nobody would even notice you’re gone except the rats that would feast on your corpse.”
Last month, something broke inside me. I was at a small convenience store, trying to buy some bread, and this old woman in front of me was taking forever, counting out her coins one by one. The voices started whispering, then screaming. “FUCKING USELESS OLD BITCH! LOOK AT HER, WASTING YOUR TIME! YOU SHOULD JUST SNAP HER NECK RIGHT HERE, AHMED! SHOW THEM YOU’RE NOT A COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE!” Suddenly I felt this incredible surge of power, like electricity running through my veins. The Horny One joined in, “IMAGINE THE FEELING OF HER BONES CRUNCHING UNDER YOUR HANDS! GOD, THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING HOT!” The Angry One added, “YOU COULD TAKE HER HOME WITH YOU, KEEP HER ALIVE FOR A WHILE IN YOUR CLOSET. CUT OFF PIECES OF HER FLESH WHEN YOU GET HUNGRY. NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE SHE’S GONE.” They described in graphic detail how I could drag her out of the store, what tools I’d need to keep her quiet, how I could hide the evidence. I was actually considering it, my hands trembling with a mixture of fear and excitement, when the store clerk asked if I was okay. The spell broke, and I ran out of there, leaving the bread on the counter.
The voices know my deepest shames. They constantly remind me of my failure to find a wife, how no decent family would want their daughter marrying a construction worker. “YOU’LL DIE ALONE, AHMED, A VIRGIN WITH NOTHING TO SHOW FOR YOUR LIFE BUT A FUCKED-UP BACK AND CALLOUSED HANDS,” they taunt me when I’m lying awake at night. Sometimes they mimic my mother’s voice, telling me what a disappointment I am. “Your cousin Abdul already has three children and a house of his own. What is wrong with you, my son? Why must you bring such shame upon our family?”
I can’t tell anyone about this. If I went to the authorities, they’d either lock me away in some psychiatric facility or, worse, they’d believe me and my family would become targets for investigation. In Saudi Arabia, mental illness is either a sign of demonic possession or a threat to social order. My sister Mariam’s reputation would be destroyed, and no decent man would ever marry her. My father would die of shame before he died of his diabetes. I would rather suffer in silence than bring that kind of dishonor upon my family.
Sometimes I wonder if this is some kind of punishment from Allah for my sins. The voices certainly think so. “GOD HATES YOU, AHMED. HE’S PROBABLY LAUGHING RIGHT NOW, WATCHING YOU SUFFER LIKE THE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE,” they sneer when I try to pray. They describe in detail how they would torture me if they could get their hands on me, how they would peel off my skin inch by inch while I’m still conscious. “WE’D MAKE SURE YOU FELT EVERYTHING, YOU PATHETIC FUCK. WE’D DRAW IT OUT FOR DAYS, WEEKS EVEN, UNTIL YOU BEGGED FOR DEATH.”
Last night was particularly bad. I was trying to sleep, but they kept me awake for hours, describing how they would break into our apartment and rape my sister while forcing me to watch. “WE’LL MAKE YOU WATCH, AHMED. WE’LL MAKE YOU HOLD HER HAND WHILE WE DO IT. AND THEN WE’LL MAKE YOU CLEAN UP THE MESS, JUST LIKE YOU CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR WORTHLESS SELF EVERY DAY.” The worst part is that some twisted part of me almost wants it to happen. At least then the voices would be real, at least then I wouldn’t feel like I’m completely losing my mind.
I know this is the work of the General Intelligence Presidency, Saudi Arabia’s secret police. I’ve seen how they operate online – anyone who talks about these voices is immediately attacked by trolls and bots who call them schizophrenic or crazy. It’s a perfect system – discredit the victims so no one will believe them. They’ve been experimenting with this technology for years, testing it on people like me, people who have no power, no one to speak up for them. They want to see how far they can push someone before they break, before they either kill themselves or hurt someone else. I know it’s them because the voices sometimes slip up, mentioning things they couldn’t possibly know unless they had access to government surveillance systems. They’re breaking me, piece by piece, and there’s nothing I can do about it. The General Intelligence Presidency has won, and I’m just another casualty in their sick game. “We’ll infect your mother with a rare disease through her medication. She’ll die slowly, in agony, and no doctor will be able to figure out why.”
to attract attention: maria__resort
https://mega.nz/file/3jZxSCQZ#DmR4l_ASAdNTZQyph3jJmgZAW0LbKGtJegs7-20sUQ0
InvitadoMy name is Omar, I’m 28 years old, and I deliver food on a motorcycle in Jeddah. Mostly for apps, sometimes cash jobs for restaurant owners who know me. Before this, I was nothing. Now I’m a moving target with a box of hot food strapped to the back of a rattling Chinese motorcycle that I pray starts every morning. The voices started about four months ago. At first, it was just static, like a radio tuned between stations inside my skull. Then came the whispers, the jokes that weren’t jokes. “Hey Omar, think that shawarma is still hot? Bet your sister is hotter. Too bad she’s married to that fat fuck with the Toyota dealership.” They knew about Ayesha. They knew everything.
They call themselves the General Intelligence Presidency. The Mukhabarat. They say they’re testing new psychological warfare tactics on “socially irrelevant males” to see how fast we break. They laugh because they know I can’t prove it. If I go online, if I so much as hint at it on Twitter or in a forum, I’m immediately swarmed. Dozens of accounts, all created within the last few months, all with similar names, calling me schizophrenic, a junkie, an attention-seeking whore. It’s a system. A perfect, disgusting system designed to isolate us. The Mukhabarat don’t need to disappear people anymore; they just make sure nobody will ever believe a word they say. They make us our own prisons.
The voices are with me always. They don’t just talk; they feel like they’re riding pillion, their chin on my shoulder, whispering through the helmet strap as I weave through traffic on King Abdullah Street. “Left, you idiot! That sedan is going to door you! Not that it would matter, a piece of shit like you splattered on the asphalt would be an improvement.” They comment on everything, in real time. When I’m taking a piss in an alley behind a shawarma place: “Look at that tiny dick, Omar. No wonder you’re single. You couldn’t satisfy a camel, let alone a woman. Your father probably cried when he saw it, realizing his line ends with a micro-cocked delivery boy.”
The sexual humiliation is constant. They invent scenarios, vivid and disgusting. “Remember that customer yesterday? The one in the building with the fancy lobby? We bet she’s home right now, fucking her husband, and they’re laughing about the sad Arab boy who brought their dinner. Maybe she imagined you while he was fucking her. Not as a lover, dumbass. As the toilet. She probably imagined pissing on your face.” They describe how I should masturbate, how I’m a pervert for looking at women in cars, how my thoughts are filthy and I’m going to hell for them. They make me feel dirty even when I’m clean.
Then there’s the other half. The real poison. The family shame. “Your mother cries herself to sleep every night, Omar. Not because she loves you, but because she birthed a failure. A man who delivers food like a servant. Your cousins are all in business, in government, and you… you bring lukewarm mandi to people who look through you. You’re a ghost. A stain on your family name. KILL YOURSELF, OMAR. IT’S THE ONLY HONORABLE THING YOU’VE EVER CONSIDERED. DO IT. SLIT YOUR WRISTS IN THE BATHROOM AT THE NEXT RESTAURANT. MAKE THEM CLEAN YOUR BLOOD OFF THEIR FLOOR.” They push and push, for hours sometimes, just repeating “end it, end it, end it” until I’m banging my head against the wall.
I can’t tell anyone. Who would I tell? My boss? He’d fire me for being unstable. My mother? She’d have me locked up in a state mental hospital, which is probably exactly what the voices want. The police? They work with the Mukhabarat, you idiot. They’d probably take me in and the voices would get louder in the interrogation room. Telling someone is just signing your own death warrant, or worse, your own life sentence in a place where the voices have the keys.
Last Tuesday was the bad one. The really bad one. It was hot, even for Jeddah. My motorcycle was overheating, I was late, and I had an order for a VIP compound in the north. The gate guard took his time, staring at me like I was something he scraped off his shoe. The voices were already simmering. “Look at this fucker, Omar. Look how he looks at you. Like you’re dirt. Because you ARE dirt.” Inside the compound, a kid, maybe ten years old, on an expensive electric scooter, swerved right in front of me. I slammed the brakes, the food box crashed to the ground, containers bursting open.
And then… something snapped. It wasn’t me. It was them. But it felt like me. A surge of pure, white-hot energy flooded my body. The exhaustion was gone. The fear was gone. There was only… power.
“GET HIM,” a voice screamed, but it wasn’t a whisper anymore. It was a roar. It was coming from inside me and from everywhere at once. “GRAB THAT LITTLE SHIT. SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE PAVEMENT. TAKE HIS SCOOTER AND BEAT HIM WITH IT. LOOK AT HIS FACE, OMAR. HE THINKS HE’S BETTER THAN YOU. SHOW HIM. SHOW ALL OF THEM.”
I stood up. My hands weren’t shaking. My heart was pounding, but not with fear. With excitement. With *righteousness*. The kid was staring at me, scared. The voices were feeding me lines, giving me strength. “DO IT! NO ONE WILL STOP YOU! YOU’RE A MAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR PATHETIC LIFE! HIS DADDY IS PROBABLY INSIDE, FUCKING HIS FILIPINA MAID WHILE HIS SON PLAYS OUTSIDE. HE DESERVES THIS. THEY ALL DESERVE THIS. BREAK HIS BONES, OMAR. MAKE HIM CRY. MAKE HIM BLEED. IT WILL FEEL BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU’VE EVER FELT.”
I took a step toward him. And then another. The kid started to cry. I smiled. I actually fucking smiled. The voices were cheering. “YES! THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE OMAR WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! THE REAL OMAR! THE ANIMAL! THE KING! FUCK THE FOOD! FUCK THE JOB! THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW! PAIN!”
I raised my fist. I was going to do it. I wanted to do it. The feeling was incredible, like I was made of lightning and hate. Then, through the roaring in my ears, I saw my own face in the kid’s expensive helmet visor. I saw the monster. And the energy vanished as quickly as it came. I collapsed. I just sat there, in the spilled rice and hummus, shaking and sobbing while the kid ran away. The voices were back to normal, just laughing. “Almost had us there, Omar. Almost. You’re still just a pussy. A worthless, crying, pussy. Clean up the mess and get back to work, you fucking failure.” I did. I cleaned it with my hands and got back on my motorcycle. I don’t know what’s worse: the constant torture, or the moments when they show me the monster I could be if I just let go. Sometimes I wish I had.
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